Itchy

Meditation is still going quite well. I love being in the prescence of God, feeling the closeness, the intimacy, of being loved by such a loving Heavenly Father. I've taken to calling Him Abba in my prayers, or "daddy." I see this as a good thing. I could never bring myself to call Him something so pesonal before.

Last night, two friends and I went to a secret place to spend time together and talk. We talked of many things, and I feel I know them both so much better.. maybe better than I know most people in Houston. I started talking about what God is showing me in my life, and I said this. "I feel like my whole life I've been walking to this great theater, and the performance will be my own life. I feel like I'm now sitting in the audience, and the curtain is about to go up." This is all a very poetic way of saying, I feel something big is about to happen in my life. Good or bad, I know that the next few years will be the catalyst for the rest of my days. I'm anxious to see what it is. Anxious, as in.... anxiety. I have the worst cabin fever. I feel like I need to move, but God is telling me I need to stay. I feel so confined, and it's extremly uncomfortable.

In Wicked, when Elphaba is speaking to Galinda, in the preamble to Defying Gravity, she says something that rings true with me.

Something has changed within me, something is not the same. I'm tired of playing by the rules of someone else's game. Too late for second chances, too late to go back to sleep. It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes.... and leap.