The first post of the new year has no plot, few characters, and no resolution. I simply want to further explain what has been happening in the last few months. So, if you are one of the 4 people that read this, be prepared.

My life has been a roller coaster of emotion. It started in early October. I got tired of living with hidden sin. Sin that I thought I would surely die with. Sin that I could not shake loose of. I laid down this sin on multiple alters, offering it to God, begging him to remove it. It's claws were in me so deep, and I held onto it almost as tightly. I had been free of it for two months before I disclosed this information to my group of friends. Instead of judgement and disgust, they embraced me with love, acceptance and support. But more importantly, speaking about it came as a final heave-ho to the sin, ousting it from my life for good.

The next three months are filled with a real-life balancing act. Balancing work and social activities, while trying to live as Christ. I had a period of time where I became incredibly awkward. I felt...off. Bible studies, ministry, church and prayer meetings were happening 6 days a week. This means that the free evenings I had, I did not know what to do with myself. I did not know how to have conversations, how to build relationships, without crying because of something that Jesus had done that day, or because I was convicted of sin, or because I couldn't find the book of Micah without looking in the bible's table of contents. This was wearing on me. Even as I type this, I'm thinking, "So you couldn't talk about any non-Jesus topics. Big deal! That's a good thing!" But I was painfully unhappy. I went from being all about me, selfish and vain, to having no idea who I even was anymore. I felt on a pendulum, swinging uncomfortably fast from one end to the other.

And then, I went home.

And it all fell apart.

Until today, I had not touched my bible in 16 days. And let me tell you, it affected every aspect of my life. I mean every aspect. Are you thinking of one? Yes... that area took a serious blow.

And finally, I will admit something I almost never do. It's 'not cool' and awkward, but it's the truth: I am having a very hard time being 24 and single. This is unusual for me. I am, 95% of the time, completely confident in my singleness. These last two weeks have not been them. One of the fab four (my best friends), is getting married in the summer. This break was a whirlwind of wedding planning and discussing. I love it, truly. I am the friend that you WANT there when you are planning a wedding. But what was wearing, is how unbelievably in love they are. Every topic can be related to each other, and I've never, NEVER seen a couple this head-over-heels for each other. It was beautiful and I was so, so happy for them, but my own heart was hurting. Even as a self-proclaimed 'non-romantic', the envy was strong.

And so, I figured I had two choices. I could: A. Mope and wallow in bitterness, longing and anger, or B. Get over it. I chose B. I contacted friends that have a knack for bringing up my spirits, made plans to spend time with them. And I'll ride this out. I am praying that the Spirit becomes my one comforter. That I find satisfaction in nothing outside of the love of Christ.

And so, the journey continues. Back to work tomorrow, back to church, back to real life. Am I ready? No. But Christ has be firmly by the hand. Therefore, I don't have to be.