A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. - Proverbs 31

I know what you're thinking. I can hear you now.. "Um, Mandy...you're not married, honey." Thank you, oh wise one. You're correct. I am not married. However, Proverbs 31 keeps ringing in my head, like those church bells at the royal wedding. Loud. Annoying. Persistent.

A good friend of mine has also begun the journey of discovering what biblical womanhood means. Usually donning a t-shirt and jeans, she is desiring dresses, curls in her hair, and (gasp) makeup. Her recent attention to feminine detail has got me thinking.

Being feminine has never been a struggle for me. Growing up, my mom was extremely practical, and a sports lover. So if I was in frilly dresses, that was all Grandma. Mom never learned how to braid, so I learned, and did my own french braids when I was 8. I had more makeup than an Ulta store by the age of 6 (again, Grandma). Although I played sports, ran through mud puddles with the boys across the street, and threatened to beat up any boy that came near our 'girls only' club, there was an undeniable truth hidden just beneath my freckled, mud-covered skin.

I was a priss.

That's right. I've never camped. Ever. I have no desire to, so please don't ask me.

I will scream bloody murder, and run from the room at the sight of a cockroach (dead or alive).

Even when I'm 'slummin' it' (aka, looking less than lovely), it is very rare that I'm wearing NO makeup.

I love wearing skirts and dresses, which I would do more often if I didn't spend so much time with wonderful, much-to-curious-about-what's-under-there children.

Let me get to the point. I've never had a problem looking the part. I'm not sure anyone would dare call me androgynous. But my behavior does not reflect my appearance. In short...

I'm a bachelor.

Yes, you read that right. Not a bachelorette, but a bachelor. Let me give you some examples.

I do laundry maybe once every three weeks. Maybe. I don't sort them. I wash everything on cold.

I hate doing dishes more than just about anything. Except cockroaches. And laundry.

I do not clean up after myself. And no, I won't clean up after you either.

My desk (at school, at home) is messy 90% of the time. And when it's messy, tables become desks.

I don't cook. I can't cook. It's hard to say which came first. Am I a bad cook because I never do? Or do I not cook because I know I'm bad? A vicious cycle.

I eat food that is questionably 'bad'... I mean, how long does pizza last, anyway?

No one is to blame for this. Trust me, my mom and I are best friends, but we argue pretty often. I'll give you one guess on what we argue about. Yep. My mess. My argument is always the same. "Mom! I genuinely don't care if it's messy! It doesn't bother me."

This is only a half-truth. It does bother me. Not because I wake up and trip over laundry, dog toys, and 7 pairs of shoes on my way to the kitchen, but because I'm worried I'll never "grow out of it." Which brings me to the climax of this post.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I have to change!

Even as I type that, my fingers are heavy with the doubt that this will actually come to pass. But I have to try. This whole, biblical womanhood thing... it's getting to me. Seeping under my skin. Making me itch, like the time I tried Purex laundry detergent. It's not about me. I don't want God to bless me with a husband, and we argue about the fact that he broke his pinky toe because I forgot to put away the vacuum cleaner. Or one day if He blesses me with children, and I send them to school in their dad's tshirt, belted like a dress, because they have no clean clothes left.

I'm reminded of that good, but oh-so-cheesy movie, that Christian one about the football team. The guy told the story about the two farmers who prayed for rain, but one went out and prepared his fields for it. Yeah, I wanna be that guy.

So, I am going to 'practice' running a home. I am going to do dishes immediately. I am going to do laundry AS SOON AS THE BASKET IS FULL. And I am even going to...gulp....learn how to cook. Do I have the fire department on speed-dial?

Anyway... thank you for tuning in. Yes, feel free to keep me accountable in my endeavors. As a parting note, here's a friendly kick-in-the-pants to all of my wonderful women in the Lord who are striving to be that ever illusive, if-I-see-her-in-a-dark-alley-she's-in-trouble Proverbs 31 woman. As you read this, replace all the feminine pronouns with YOUR name. I'm mostly kidding in my negativity. I don't think God would include this, if it wasn't something He didn't want us to strive for, or something that was, at least in part, attainable. Love you all.

¹⁰ A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.