Routine

I am NOT a creature of habit. If I was, my laundry baskets would be empty, my refrigerator would stocked, and I would not have a stack of papers as tall as a student waiting to be graded. But it is not a weekly/daily habit of mine to do laundry, shop for groceries or grade papers. Only when the need stands up and slaps me in the face to I get to work.

There is one are of my life that is BOUND in habit, and that would be my "daily quiet time", "Jesus appointment", "morning refresher" or whatever you want to call it. I stand in the shower most days and think- "I need to get to work, but I really want to spend time in the Word/I have to finish this week's lesson before bible study/I'm behind in memorizing James." I had to do alot of soul searching to determine if I was operating out of guilt or desire. After a lot of soul searching, I found that the drive behind my desire to spend time with the Lord has two sides. One side- that I really love to spend time learning more about the character of God, growing closer to Him, and memorizing His word. The other, I feel that if I don't, terrible things will occur. That meeting I have today? Going down the pooper if I don't brush up on the teachings of Elijah. That relationship I'm trying to mend. Forget it. I forgot to pray this morning.

While there is surely truth in the idea that prayer and the Word prepare you for your day, the FEAR of the CATASTROPHES that will surely occur if these things aren't done can't be healthy. I'm starting to believe that God doesn't actually have a sticker chart for me, full of gold stars, of which I can choose a prize when my chart is full. No. There is simply a cup within me, needing to be filled everyday. And if it is not filled, do my circumstances spiral out of control? No, but I might, even in the best of circumstances.

Let me let you in on my prayer this morning.

Daddy God, I love to spend time with You! Lord, search my motives. I want to sit in your presence in freedom, not bound by fear about what happens if i don't. I am your bondservant, but remind me that there is complete freedom in the bondage to Your Son. What is most astonishing, Creator of the Universe, is that you are excited when I awake, because You want to spend time with me. As Roswell always says, "Shakin' My Head." Lord, let me arise each morning with pure desire for You, untinged by guilt, fear, or routine. Even when I'm sick, angry, exhausted, frustrated, let me desire Your presence. And Lord, especially when I am happy, satisfied, and calm- let my desire for you not wane! Lord, the gooby song from the Parent Trap plays in my head..."Let's get together, yeah yeah yeah, why don't You and I combine?" Yes Lord! Fill my cup, please. I will most likely need a refill before tomorrow.